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Stroke Causes Various Disabilities
No two strokes are alike, so the recovery process is different for each survivor. Just when you think you’ve got it bad, you meet someone whose disability is worse than yours. It’s a wake-up call that stroke survivors and caregivers need from time to time.
This past Saturday we went to a Stroke Support Group picnic at the NEW Zoo. This was the second time we met with these folks which included stroke survivors and some spouses. The first time was 3 months after Steve’s stroke while he was still in the nursing home. These stroke survivors were well into their recovery and had their strokes up to twelve years ago. Steve had the most recent stroke.
Steve was getting discouraged by his slow recovery progress, and kept thinking about all the things he couldn’t do any more. But this group was impressed by his recovery thus far, and they suffered from various disabilities. Some of them were confined to wheelchairs and couldn’t walk at all. Others had aphasia, which is an impairment of the ability to use or comprehend words.
Each stroke survivor had their own story and their experiences were all different. What precious people they were! We were on common ground and sought encouragement and fellowship from one of another. Steve realized he was progressing much faster than he thought. When he asked me to assist him on a little walk so he could stretch his legs, the others just stared at him almost in disbelief that he could get out of his chair and walk so well with a quad-cane. Some of the women even commented that they wished their husbands could walk that well. One man who suffered a brain aneurysm at the age of 57 still needs a Foley catheter because he is incontinent. He can’t walk because his legs are so stiff. His wife is only 55 yrs. old and works full-time in addition to taking care of her husband. Another man lost the use of his legs after his second stroke put him in a coma for a month. He is so large that he needs a Hoyer lift to get him in and out of his chair, and he needs to use a bed pan. His wife works full-time also and she needs to pay for his care during the day.
The lesson we learned was that there are many others who have it worse, and that we should be thankful for all that God is doing in our lives. Comparing ourselves to others who are doing better is a trap of the enemy to bring us into discouragement. God is a God of hope and encouragement. The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that the plans God has for us are plans to prosper us, not to harm us; plans to give us hope and a future. When we focus on that nugget of truth and get our mind off ourselves, we can look forward to the future with hope, and be used as His instrument to help others.
We are thankful for all that God has done in our lives. Even though this ordeal is more difficult than others we have gone through, we know God’s grace and strength is sustaining us in our time of need. We are so thankful for all the people God has brought into our lives, and for all the people who have been praying for us. Your support has been so encouraging to us. May God reward you richly for your faithfulness.
Our love,
Steve and Kathy
Kathy,
My husband had a stroke on July 19th of this year. Although he is recovering well, his personality has changed. Did you go through this with your husband and if so, does it come back in time?
That is the hardest part of this for me.
Thanks for your blog. It helps to know that others are out there going through the same thing.
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:13 pmDear Debbie,
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s stroke, but thank God that he is a survivor!!
Stroke is a brain injury, and the area of the brain that was affected will determine the type of changes in his body and personality. Some brain cells were shocked while others were destroyed. The shocked brain cells may take months to heal. Your husband’s stroke was only 5 weeks ago, so you are seeing the worst of the symptoms.
In Steve, his emotions have been greatly affected and he cries easily. He’s much more tender-hearted now. No, I should say his feelings are more obvious now. He always felt that way before, but he didn’t express himself the way he does now. But I have noticed lately that he isn’t quite as emotional as he was several months ago.
His judgment was skewed too. He always thought about how much things cost, and would take forever to make a purchase because he would comparison shop for months before buying anything. Soon after the stroke, he talked about spending money on this and that. He watched a lot of the shopping network in the nursing home and he told me he wished he had a credit card to buy something. That was so unlike him! That change lasted for several months, but now he is getting back to his old self.
So although you see those changes in your husband now, Debbie, it doesn’t mean they will last forever. You will have to be patient and not take things personally. He’s not his old self yet and it will take time. But don’t give up hope, and lavish lots of love on him in spite of the changes. Let the comments roll off your back, and ask God to give you the grace to go through this. Pray and stand firm. Your husband is experiencing changes in his body and it’s frustrating to him. Like Steve says, “You’re not in Kansas anymore, just down some yellow brick road not knowing where it’s leading to.”
What type of personality changes are you seeing in your husband? If you can give me some more specifics, I’ll ask Steve to share his thoughts, and perhaps he can give you some more insight.
If you would like me to personally pray with you, I will be happy to do so.
Love & prayers, Kathy
August 24th, 2008 at 3:15 pmI am noticing some of what you stated in your reply. He is irritated very easily, but then gets over it within a few seconds. We have been married for 30 years and you really get to know someone, and this is not the person I remember. You are correct, however, that he is better than he was even a week ago, but you never know from day to day who will emerge.
I know God is in control and I trust that every day of my life.
His actions are somewhat childlike at different times and then other times are perfectly normal. He has some difficulty with making decisions and his thought process still seem somewhat slow at times.
One day at a time……
Any insight you can give me is greatly appreciated, and thank you so much for your prayers.
September 4th, 2008 at 7:34 pmDebbie,
There is some very good information about changes in behavior, emotions and thinking following a stroke in the publication HOPE: A Stroke Recovery Guide(Appendix B).
You can download a free PDF copy at http://www.stroke.org/site/DocServer/hope_full.pdf?docID=921
Even equipped with this information, it’s still hard to deal with the reality of those personality changes in someone you love. There were several times I had to bite my tongue to keep from replying to a hurtful remark Steve made. He didn’t realize how he was coming across to me, but I understood it was coming out of frustration.
He told me he feels trapped because he can’t come and go freely as he did before, and I am his key to escape.
In the beginning, Steve was very easily distracted and couldn’t keep focused. His thought processes were slow too, but that is coming back. A speech pathologist worked with him on that for the first few months.
Every stroke is different, therefore every recovery process has a different timeline. I wanted answers from all the doctors, nurses and therapists, but they couldn’t give me any definite answers because they didn’t know. Your situation is unique to you, but don’t settle for any negativity from the professionals. Keep expecting your husband to recover, and keep encouraging him that he will.
Remind him of the good times you had together with the anticipation that you’ll be able to do those things again. Steve said when I talked like that to him, it gave him hope and the drive to keep fighting to get better. Depression can set in very easily, so it’s imperative that you keep positive around him.
To help you cope and vent, try journaling your thoughts, fears and prayers. God’s grace is sufficient for you too.
Take pictures or videos of your husband during therapy because you’ll want him to look back and see the progress he’s made.
Try to re-focus his attention on what he’s accomplishing instead of letting him dwell on what he’s lost. Celebrate every new accomplishment as a victory because they lead to the big accomplishments.
It was 8 wks. before there was any movement in Steve’s hand. When I saw him voluntarily move his fingers ever so slightly, I rejoiced and he thought I was nuts. But now he can grasp and squeeze my hand.
To help him stay positive, I posted some scripture verses on the walls of his room so they would encourage him when I couldn’t be there.
“All things are possible to him who believes.” Mark 9:23
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
“God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20
These verses gave him hope. We also had many visitors from our church and family who came and prayed with him. That made a huge impact on him. In spite of the challenges, the stroke has had some very positive effects on him and has brought him closer to God.
Most of all, Debbie, be assured that God loves you and your husband, and He has a wonderful plan for your lives. He is the strength of your life and your portion forever. He loves you with an everlasting love. To hear a wonderful narration of God’s love letter to you, go to http://www.FathersLoveLetter.com/
It will inspire and encourage you.
I hope this helps. You’re not alone. Steve and I are praying for both of you.
Kathy
September 5th, 2008 at 10:33 pmKathy,
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. My husband is doing so much better, much more like himself.
I am thankful that we have Christian brothers and sisters all over this country that will pray with us and for us.
It’s wonderful to have found this website and you are an encouragement to me.
One day at a time, and each day gets better and better. I know that adversity draws us closer to God.
Thank you for having this website. I’ll keep you posted on my husband’s recovery.
September 8th, 2008 at 7:30 amhi steve and kathy congrats so far my husband of a year and a half suffered a catosbeen two months and they have stopped therapy untill they activate his no it is very frustrating because they wont continue studies catostro phictrophic stroke to left side of the brain and some to the right very similar to steve only opposite effected side however im waiting on medicaide pending it has
January 24th, 2010 at 7:50 pm