StrokeSurvivorBlog

Since June of 2008, I’ve been thrown into the role as my husband’s caregiver plus being his wife, and it requires a balancing act. Since we’ve been married, I’ve been managing our household and finances, and as a wife and mother I know how to take care of others. But with caregiving, it’s a little different, because I have to be careful not to treat my husband like a child.

It’s very easy to do especially with someone who has a brain injury caused by a stroke or aneurysm. Steve’s responses are a little slower now and he isn’t quite as alert as he used to be. It takes him longer to think things through and sort things out. Something as simple as putting on a shirt takes a lot of planning and effort on his part. So I made ordinary decisions for him to move things along faster instead of being patient and asking him how he would do it. By doing this, I only hindered him from becoming proficient in that task. He resisted when I asked him to do it by himself, because it was so hard and frustrating for him, so I caved in and did it for him. I thought that was good caregiving, but what I was doing was making him more dependent on me.

Steve had several setbacks with three seizures so I started helping him more to get him through that mental confusion. He became more depressed because he forgot how to do certain things, and that required my assistance. But as time went on, it became a habit with me doing ADL’s (activities of daily living) for him…washing him up, getting him dressed, and even putting toothpaste on the toothbrush for him.  He still needs help with some of these tasks (certainly not toothpaste), but like putting on his socks. He can’t do that yet. It’s the bending over and lifting a faulty heavy leg that’s the hard part, in addition to having only one functional hand. I didn’t realize how all my caregiving help was crippling him only more, making him lose confidence and the ambition to do it by himself.

However, that all changed when I got tendinitis in both of my hands and wrists from all the lifting and pulling I was doing. The condition only worsened because I didn’t give my hands time to heal, but then I found out that I could do irreparable damage to them if I didn’t. So I was forced to make Steve do as much for himself as he could. This is where the caregiver balancing act comes in, because if I don’t take care of myself, who will there be to take care of Steve? Now he is forced to do these things, but he knows it’s not because I don’t want to help. Yes, everything takes longer, but it’s through the repetitive motions that will help his brain remember how to do the ADL’s. It’s still frustrating to him, but I try to prompt him of what to do next, and let him figure it out, and I help only when he is physically unable to. This tactic helps me be a better caregiver and wife, and it helps him become more adept to caring for himself.