StrokeSurvivorBlog

Caregivers, do you want out of your situation?  The last two years have been the most trying time of my 42-year marriage to my husband, Steve, a recent stroke survivor. I reflect and marvel at God’s strength and grace that has gotten me through, and helped me to be optimistic. It’s a good thing I don’t know what the future holds, or I’d be a wreck. God gives me what I need for each day, and its senseless to worry about tomorrow or the “what ifs”. He really does keep me in perfect peace as I keep my thoughts on Him. I can’t dwell on the way things were, and I can’t fantasize about wanting it to be over with in order to move on with my life.

I’m being very honest here, and I know I’m not alone. Other stroke caregivers have shared these fantasy thoughts with me, and they feel guilty about them and have asked me to pray for them. I want to say to you, “You are normal and you are not alone…I understand exactly what you’re going through!”

The daily struggle is sometimes so hard, especially for those who have young children, or those who work outside of the home and don’t have the financial means to hire help. It feels like there is no escape from the constancy of caregiving, so you want to run away to this fantasy dreamland where there is no more struggle. This is what one young woman shared with me:

“Maybe it is not knowing if I am going to lose him or just feeling so helpless when he is in pain.  It gets wearing and sometimes I even want out.  It can be a tempting–and deceptive–fantasy to imagine another life…To lose him in any way would be devastating. Still, in some ways it feels I have already lost parts of him and parts of my own life, too.  I think I sometimes pull away from him in an attempt to shield myself from pain, but this only backfires, as then I hurt him.  I want to live more fully, not less!”

Can you relate to this caregiver? I can. Caregiving is a full-time job, and it can be very draining on you if you don’t make or take time for yourself. You will start feeling sorry for yourself and then find yourself fantasizing about another, easier life. Today, while Steve was gone with his brother for the day, I took a walk, did some housework and then took a nap in the middle of the day. Just that little bit of free time to do what I wanted to do was so liberating.

But what happens so often is that there is always so much work to do, that you run yourself down by working instead of taking time to rest or to enjoy the simple pleasure of taking a walk. The work will ALWAYS be there, but you might not have another opportunity for that nap. You deserve it and need it, and you are actually doing your loved one a favor by taking time for yourself, because when you are rested and refreshed, you’ll be a better caregiver.

My thoughts often drift to that fantasy-land of what life would be like without Steve in it, but I absolutely cannot dwell on them. They are not from God, but from the pit of hell, so I must take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. You do not have to feel guilty if those thoughts come into your mind, but watch out if you dwell on them!

God knows your heart and the struggles you face. Even though caregiving is wearing on you, God has given you His promise that He is the strength of your life and your portion forever. His grace is sufficient for you. He is your helper and your comforter, and the one who sustains you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will lead you and guide you in the way you should go. He loves you with an everlasting love. Call upon Him for help, and if you would like me to pray for you, please contact me.

“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.”   Hebrews 6:10

“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.”  Galatians 6:9

“Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.”  1 Corinthians 15:58