8 Comments
Stroke – Just Get Over It?
With the holidays fast approaching and family gatherings taking place, some relatives you haven’s seen for awhile may wonder why the stroke survivor isn’t over it yet. They ignorantly think that you can get over a stroke like you get over a cold or the flu.
You can’t just get over a stroke! It’s not a chronic condition that goes away with a pill. And many people just can’t get that through their head. Although my husband’s family is very understanding, one caregiver commented about this situation with her family:
“Don’t you almost just want to slap those people sometimes? Of course, you are likely much nicer than I am … but that has often been my reaction in the 16 years since my husband’s stroke. And even after all these years, we still have (his) family near where we live now, and they still don’t understand why he isn’t able to “get over it.” It just makes me crazy, especially when I feel like they should be loving toward him, and not contemptuous, as though he just doesn’t try hard enough. Sometimes I wonder if they think they are doing him some favor with the “tough love” kind of thing — but, believe me, “tough love” gets old and borders on rude, and will not do anything to make him be able to use his left arm and hand again, or to stem the tide of his overwhelming depression.”
Some people can’t comprehend why the stroke survivor just doesn’t get over it. It’s like they think they want to be like that. Oh…if they could only walk (or not) in their shoes for a day!
So I want to encourage all of you caregivers and stroke survivors out there. You are not alone. There are plenty of ignorant relatives to go around. As you get together over the holidays, just let their comments roll off your back. It’s their thinking that’s wrong!
I plan to enjoy my Christmas as I celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Wishing you much love, peace and joy!
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I have thought that very same thing. My husband had a stroke just over a year ago now and people keep asking “is he better yet”. My answer is usually something along the line of “yes, he continues to get better daily but its a long road and we don’t know where it is taking us”. It doesn’t bother me to much until it comes to his family and one of these days I might just tell them you know we could use your help a little by spending some time with him instead of just waiting for the next get together. I can’t say I knew anything about stroke or progression before but I know I wasn’t assuming what I didn’t know about.
Thanks for posting your blog, its nice to feel I’m talking with someone else that is going through or has gone through the same as what we are.
January 11th, 2012 at 9:02 amDW
Its really sad when other people don’t understand what you are going through in life, especially with stroke. But just like what you’ve said, let us not dwell on the negative things that people say, but instead treasure the second life that we have celebrating and rejoicing with our love ones and share our story to everyone.
January 20th, 2012 at 12:47 amdays I might just tell them you know we could use your help a little by spending some time with him instead of just waiting for the next get together this is brilliant it tells them what you both need w/o blame or recrimination and puts the ball in their court I am very lucky to have a couple of girlfriends the three of us have been through everything together for over 15 years now, kid problems health scares, divorce, you name it one day two of them showed up at my door w/groceries,kicked my husband out of the house – when he asked why he had to go – they said – so we can talk about you – and cooked us a fabulous lunch w/a plate for him too, of course it was great a break out of the rut for my dh and I
January 20th, 2012 at 9:07 pmHi, i have been reading your blog. my husband had a stroke on 9-16-11. it has affected his left side. the leg is coming back. he is able to walk on it with a cane, and his arm is slow to come back. he is still working on it. thank you for keeping the blog. i hope you and your family are well.
January 23rd, 2012 at 10:25 amI too have been reading your blog. I had a stroke myself in December 2008, but I am fortunate to be able to write and have the use of my right hand. I started my own blog last month when I ran across yours, all of the things you speak about hit home. It’s very difficult to explain to someone how a stroke effects you. It’s something that I hope they never have to feel. That’s what I tell my family and friends on a constant basis, but sometimes you just want to yell at them, and I do. I hope this year will bring better results for you then last year for that will bring hope for a better tomorrow. Best Wishes and Best of Luck, Ken
February 3rd, 2012 at 11:36 pmi can relate to a lot of the comments. i am a 2 year stroke survivor and people think i am just fine cause they can’t tell i’ve had a stroke. i wish just for one day they could step inside my mind and see the chaos of not remembering, not understanding, and knowing me before my stroke. i struggle everyday with one symptom or another, wishing i could go a day without cold and numbness in limbs, headaches, no fatigue or EL. it’s difficult for people to understand unless they have experienced it.
February 10th, 2012 at 10:52 pmHi,I am amazed by the fact that you are not giving up,I believe that giving up is not an option and that God never brings us to anything hwe is not willing to see us through,I have suffered through 3 strokes a heart attack and quad bipass surgery for 4 90% closures the strokes started at age 53,I am now 67,I am not special just a christian who has been blessed and believes in God as the one and oly true God your family will be in my prayers May God bless you and yours respectfully,Hazen Meek
February 14th, 2012 at 6:07 amI suffered a massive stroke in Jan 08, but I am lucky enough to live 10 minutes from some of the best hospitals in the world and they were able to treat me before permanent damage was done. Although I have little side effects from the stroke, that does not change the fact that I had one, and it was big and it changed my life! I have people who dont know I had a stroke, or “forget” I had one. I emotionally will never get over it, as I watch my now 4 year old accomplish things daily, I constantly think what might have been a tragic ending. I am sure people think to themselves “why doesnt she get over it”? And to that I say I never will!! God bless your family
February 20th, 2012 at 10:48 pm